The way I dealt with them; there?s the quick answer versus the real answer.

One of the ways that I?ve dealt with things, in the beginning, is denial. I just didn?t deal with it. I allowed suffering to take place in my life, which manifested itself in negative thinking, negative behavior and self-sabotage.

It?s the destructive things that have happened to me that really forced me to learn coping mechanisms and to seek out people that could help me. I surrendered to thinking I could do all of it on my own.

Pursuing spirituality was also a part of the solution, but there was no quick solution to some of my issues. A lot of it was life hit me with a ton of bricks, and there I was, squashed on the ground, figuring out, ?Well, I?ve got 2 choices: I either live in misery or I don?t.?

There are 2 types of suffering, as my friend Dan Sullivan said. “There?s short-term and long-term. You decide which one you want.”

I have chosen, at times, the long-term route. What I do now is to hopefully have this sound optimistic. When something bad happens to me right now, I have a much better perspective, knowing that all of the lessons in life, all of the progress is only going to come out of things that don?t work.

Dan Sullivan is a friend of mine. I learn from Dan. Dan learns from me, and he says, “Life is broken up into 2 areas: things that work and things that don?t work. That?s it.”

If you think about your life, we have areas that work and things that don?t work. The areas of life that we learn from really come out of those things that don?t work. Whenever I have a setback or something doesn?t quite work out right, heck, we?re human. We are constantly making mistakes.

Speaking for myself, I?ve made an ass out of myself numerous times. I?ve said things I wish I didn?t say. I?ve made decisions that haven?t helped me, that haven?t helped other people. I?ve done things that have hurt me. I?ve done things that have hurt other people. I would like to think whenever anybody has been directly or indirectly hurt as a result of my thinking, my behavior, my actions that it was not intentional. It was just me really not knowing what the heck I was doing.

I?m a lot less forgiving of myself now, because for one, I know that I?m human, and second, whenever anything bad happens, I now have a process for dealing with it. And that is, for one, realizing that if an area of life isn?t working, that?s kind of like God?s way of saying, ?Hey, pay attention to this. How could you do it over??

You can fail, but the only way you fail is if you fail to learn the lesson. So now, when negative things happen, I have a group of people, I have certain individuals in my life that I?m very close to, that I talk with, that I bring my misery to, that I bring my complications to, and some of these people, I pay. I have a client relationship with them and a lot of this is business stuff. Heck, I don?t consider myself a great manager. I seek out lots of training in that particular area.

Some of these things are small issues. Others are life issues that require very intensive, private godfather conversations with people, but I try to be resourceful. I was not resourceful in the beginning and the more that I go through life not being resourceful, the harder life is for me.

I went through a really tough childhood and adolescence and early adulthood, but truthfully, it was all self-imposed. It stems from my father and mother got divorced, and it?s the same old story. That?s not even, in most people?s eyes, worth getting upset over, you know. How could you let your life get destroyed over something like that?

I was 11 years old, I think, and it devastated me. I blamed my mother and I spent years trying to get back at her, trying to get even. I know that now and I?ve apologized to her many times, but I put her through hell, and I did it by ruining my life.

I got into drugs; I drank; I was constantly getting arrested. I was in trouble with the law. It was just terrible. I ran with the wrong crowd. I dropped out of school. I evaded the draft. I did everything that a kid could possibly do wrong, and I didn?t really know it at the time, but I look back now and I realize that subconsciously I was trying to get back at both of them, not just her, for ruining my life.

In retrospect, it?s probably the best thing that could have ever happened to me that they broke up. My father turned out to be something else.

The low point in my life; that?s what caused the low points in my life. It was that self-imposed self destruction that caused the low points, but when I actually hit bottom, I am honestly not really sure of the exact date, but I was homeless and starving. I was a very talented carpenter, but I couldn?t keep a job long enough to really eat or anything else.

I was feeding my drug habits and stuff more than anything. I was living in a van. I had an old, beat up van that had a broken shifter. It was terrible. It was pretty lousy, but as I said, it was self imposed, and at some point I just woke up and said enough is enough. That was it. I have never in my entire life believed or felt like I couldn?t do anything I wanted to. I just didn?t want to, and I knew that; on some level I knew that.

I always knew that I could do anything I wanted to, and at some point I got tired of beating myself up for no reason. It was just plain stupid and I knew it. So at some point I said, ?Okay, that?s enough. You?re done now?, and the day I did that, life changed.

I immediately went out and got a normal job and cleaned myself up, and before I knew it I was a general contractor and had my own crews. It was just a matter of applying myself.

I see it so often in young people. I think they are really subconsciously trying to get back at somebody else by hurting themselves. Somehow it converts into, ?If I hurt myself bad enough, you?ll be sorry,? which is just totally stupid, but I know that?s where I was and what I did.

Once I had had enough, I had had enough. My mom is one of the greatest women who ever lived. She is a very special woman. She went through all of it; bailed me out of jail; never really complained too much. She just took care of everything.

I had a brother and a sister and she worked three jobs to keep us in a middle class home that we couldn?t afford. She didn?t have to do any of the stuff that she did, but she felt it was her place in life to raise her kids and give them the best life that she could and just love them through it all.

I guess I did enough rebelling for the rest of the family because the other kids were perfect. You?ve met my brother. He?s an executive type; he?s got a Ph.D. He?s everything that I probably should have been.

I put myself through it and I know it was to hurt her and I am truly sorry for it now. I guess, in reality, it was something I had to go through to be who I am now. I wouldn?t put my mother through that for anything in the world again, but if I had it to do all over again just to me, I probably would do it the same way because, in truth, all the problems I had with drugs and alcohol and going to jail and getting in fights; all the stupid things I did made me who I am.

They made me know that I have experienced this for a reason and I have to help other people and I have to try and show people that there?s a better way and it?s stupid to do these kinds of things.

I know I can?t keep people from going down the same road I did, but maybe I can save one person. Maybe I can let them see that they don?t have to do what I did in order to redeem yourself to yourself. That?s really all it is.

The low point of my life was at some point in my 20s when I decided enough was enough and just hit rock bottom, and made the decision that that was it. I pulled myself in and it didn?t take long.

I don?t think anybody with any intelligence would ever take long to pull out of that. It?s just making that decision.

That?s what happened to me.

They really took care of my not by preaching but by teaching. There was some preaching in there but it wasn?t over the top. It wasn?t, ?You have to do this to be a better person!?

It was, ?Here?s what you need to do. Here is how it?s going to affect you if you do this. Here is how we are going to help you.? That was the lowest point in my life but I was able to regain it so the path to victory, so to speak, was the support system in my life.

Debra Berg: The ending of my first marriage of 17 years was my lowest point. At the time, I was running a business with lots of responsibility to others. I was a role model to a number of people. It was hard not letting my personal life and struggles get in the way of being there for them.

I learned from the experience and went on to acquire a whole new career, which involved a steep learning curve in the computer industry. If I had not learned those skills, I would not have been able to produce my book the way I did nor earn a good income in the software industry. While I was single for 10 years, I had the time to do the research for my book and to take care of an ailing parent. I also met my new husband.

People like that. Those are the more modern day people. Of course there are people from long ago like Einstein and who is it? Was it Leonardo? Da’Vinci. Socrates. There are a lot of different people that were great thinkers of old that were absolute geniuses. I love to study and understand the way that they think because their genius was not in their book smart academics but their genius was found in the way that they think.

I think some of the modern day geniuses are Anthony Robbins, are Joel Osteen. It is Mike Murdock. They’re completely different realms but if you look at them and you understand what it is they do and the way they impact people’s lives and how they do it, I think they’re geniuses.

What you do is you look at those people and you can put them up there as heroes. I do things like borrow genius where I’ll envision conversations, then myself taking on different things that I consider to be really good strong points about them.

Then looking at how those can be adapted to my life. Then bringing that together with who I am without allowing it to alter my own personality and what it is I’m ultimately to become.

So those are just some of my heroes, but there are many people because I read so many books. There are people who’ve written books that I wouldn’t be able to recall their name but their book has impacted me in a certain way.

So while there may be a certain group of people specifically, I leave myself open to wisdom, regardless of where it comes from, because wisdom is wisdom.

If it’s something that’s going to be able to lead and guide and direct your path, and help you to move closer to where it is you ultimately want to be, and provide even greater value to those that you’re providing value to, you might as well pay attention to it.

Just having someone tell you that when you are very young is very important, because you do form your impressions from people, how they act and what their expectations are for you.

So, her expectations were very clear and I think that really helped me go to a university and lots of things later on.

My dad, he was always kind of joking, he had a great sense of humor, and he did things like, he was very willing to change jobs many times, to stop being transferred around.

He was a bank manager for many years, but that job required him to move from town to town and we didn’t like it. So he kind of sacrificed that to have a more stable home life, so we didn’t have to move around as much.

When we were talking about what makes a hero, this is something that’s a very simple thing, but it’s something that they did that played an important role in my life.

My sister was also very important. She has a gift. She can work with kids that have disabilities like hearing impairment or maybe they are learning challenged. So, I got a chance to see her work with those kids and that’s very inspiring.

There are lots of other role models as well. We talked about inspirational and motivational people. I really enjoy Tony Robbins’ work. I have almost all his complete library of stuff, and I enjoy listening to it because he does bring you up and he does give you some tools you can use.

Another guy, Bill Phillips, he had the Body for Life program. He single handedly helped a lot of people get in better shape than they were in and because of that, really opened up the possibilities that said, “If I can get out of the terrible shape I was in, into this fantastic shape; I can really do anything.”

I have my own internet and direct marketing mentor in Joel Christopher, who is guiding me in that arena.

You look at someone like Bill Gates. He is very successful in business. He has created a very successful company. His software is in use almost everywhere, and he is very philanthropic as well. He’s given millions or maybe even billions to the AIDS effort.

Other people, Bill Phillips as well is involved with the program for terminally ill kids, where they submit a wish; Make-A-Wish foundation.

Most recently, if you just look at the internet marketing arena, there are lots of speakers and marketers who are always at events who are heroes of mine because of what they have been able to accomplish, just as entrepreneurs and in business.

I’m not a Buddhist but I enjoy reading a lot about the Buddha. I’ve read the Darma Potta, the Bagabagita, for example, and other books of other spiritual leaders and they’re mentors to me because they show, you know, they lead by example.

They’re the perfect example of love and goodness in this world and what they teach is more important than, you know, I’m not going to say that you should believe in the virgin birth and the crucifixion and all that stuff in Jesus’ life but did you actually take the chance to stop and just read the words that Jesus uttered, for example, on the Mount?

The lives that they led, whether, and I don’t mean to say that from a religious perspective, of course. I’m just saying; just listen to what people teach you. Listen, don’t just hear.

Those are the mentors that mean a lot to me. Another few mentors, modern-age mentors, I’m a big fan of Brian Tracy. I’m a big fan of Jim Rohn, of course and Tony Alessandra. The funny part about it is that I have learned a lot of things from current spiritual leaders and I do believe that Joseph Campbell, who is probably one of my biggest mentors in that realm, has taught me so much about the power of the inner self and Joseph Campbell is the one who uttered those famous words, “Follow your bliss”, and he is one of them.

Florence Scobelshin is another. John Mandall Price. Those are more of the spiritual kind of guys, and Luis Haye, I read a lot about that stuff. Now, you can say it’s all metaphysical mumbo-jumbo.

The point is not to believe in whether it’s metaphysical or not. The fact is I just listened and learned to apply whatever I learned in the way I want to, to my life and that’s the whole point of any religious, any philosophy, any thinking process, it’s not to believe in what people tell you. It is to make use of it.

I think it takes a lot of courage to share it with the world. So, those would be the heroes for me.

Frank Garon: I guess honestly the other two people that have been in my life that I would consider heroes are two kids I went to school with. One kid Algal Shaskee sat in front of me in home room all the way up until he either died in Junior High or High School and I can’t remember now.

He went through cancer and chemo and being different from all the other kids, being sick and missing classes, while he should have been listening to Van Halen’s first album and playing hockey, this probably was about 1980 or so.

While he should have been doing that and celebrating life, he was facing death, and he did it with dignity, and courage, and helping other people understand what it was that he was going through. He taught me how to be happy even when things were absolutely without fail going to go bad.

There is no getting out of this. You’re sunk, and yet you can still be happy. You can still laugh, still have some sort of spirit and zest for life inside your heart. The same thing with my friend Stu. When they closed my school in fourth grade and shipped us across town to the other school in fifth grade, Stu was the kid that welcomed us and made us – we were the Hill Toppers and they were sort of like the Kennedy Park kids.

Those were the different neighborhoods. He was the one kid out of the class of thirty that made the ten of us that were transferred feel welcome. He was very friendly, very good kid. His mom and my mom were the class moms in fifth grade and all.

Then, later in life, he got either meningitis or encephalitis. I forgot which one it was but they had to do brain surgery. They took the top of his skull off to work on him and relieve pressure and everything else.

He was never right after that and most people disowned him because he had a head injury, short to anger, didn’t always make good judgments, and didn’t take care of himself.

Deep down he was the same kid. He also taught me courage and dignity because he kept on going. He forged new friendships. He had dreams and interests and plans for life even though, unfortunately, it didn’t work out that way and he died in his early twenties.

He taught me kindness, and courage, and the simple fact of treating people right was the correct thing to do. So my grandma and those two school kids taught me more about life than probably most everybody else ever has.

They were both foreigners from Europe, came over here and have made their lives very successful and I think that everybody is a hero to somebody and in their own way.

I’m very fortunate, because pretty much all the people that I surround myself with, I look up to and they’ve just done phenomenal things so it would be hard to pinpoint one or two people. I’m really, really fortunate in that everybody’s out with the same goals and the same level of integrity and just trying to help other people and just good hearts.

Kevin Hurley: My mother would definitely be one. Here’s a lady that’s lived in the same community her whole life and just really believes in the system, really believes in America, really believes in the community and doesn’t want anything other than her health to get up and go to work. She works for a bank downtown. She’s there every day. That would be a hero.

Let’s see, David Copperfield, who is a famous illusionist, is a hero of mine because he’s pushed the envelope harder than anybody. This guy has been in show business for 25 years. He still does 500 shows a year. So what does that say to me? That says it’s not all about the money. It’s about love and passion and making people happy.

I’ve received a lot of help on the way up from people like Zig Ziggler and Tony Robbins.

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That is so true. Over the last five years taking photos at the internet marketing conferences, listening to speakers and watching what they do, it is amazing to watch what has happened to many of “so called” internet gurus.

Those who consistently provide valuable products, services and content and over-deliver continue to prosper. Those who ripped off their customers with rehashed or bogus content, were only a flash in the pan. They had their 15 seconds of fame then ended up on the trash heap of history along with all the others who thought they could get rich at the expense of their clients.

The industry is way too small at the highest levels where there are few secrets and unknown entities. Few newcomers instantly gain recognition and get rich overnight without massive amounts of investment of time and money. Most of those who are successful have put in their dues through sweat equity or cash money to pay others to do the work.

Nothing FREE is worth anything unless it has inherent value as a part of a strategic marketing plan similar to Frank’s where you give outrageous value first and then because of the feelings of reciprocity, customers are happy to invest their hard earned money and become raving fans and future consumers of any new products or services that come down the pipeline.
RZ

Thank you for your posts about Frank and his philosophy on life, wealth and personal significance. The big question is, “Is it possible to achieve personal significance and live you perfect day every day when you are not cash rich, financially independent and surrounded by financial and psychic energy vampires that suck the life out of you?”
RZ

What do you do about people in your family and life that you are helping achieve a better experience of life?

With total financial independence comes a certain degree of personal responsibility to share the wealth. A big dilemma is, “Should you continue to help support those who can not or will not provide for themselves? Where is the cutoff point? When do you throw them under the wheels of the bus or do you?”

These flawed individuals, as we all are to a certain degree, may be relatives through our marriage or even in our own genetic family. They bring negativity, feelings of victimization and a concept of entitlement into complex relationships that are not easily dissolved legally.

Just how far do you go to get these negative people in our life OUT?

Where does compassion and empathy come into play? What happens when you realize that the social, financial, spiritual and emotional consequences of eliminating negative, energy sucking people from your life can be traumatic to everyone involved?

Frank was brave enough to do that with a couple of his businesses that were making a lot of money, but what happens when those changes involve parents, a spouse, kids, grandkids, business partners? Where is the balance between self-sacrifice and self-preservation and enlightenment?
RZ

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Frank definitely can speak from experience. Not many internet marketers have lost everything because of being sued by the government and losing everything, let alone the fear of have the all powerful government, trying to destroy your life and family. Frank experienced the fear of loss and rejection big time and still did not give up.

He has been one of the internet heroes I wanted to interview for so many years but was not able because of doing 24-7 care for both my parents for the last 3 years. You can tell a lot about a person by what they do at the lowest point in their lives. After interviewing so many of the most successful internet marketers, one of my great epiphanies is that so many of them have achieved personal significance without achieving ultimate wealth.